


The Accidental Resurrection of Jessica Moore

by Iamala



Series: Sabbatical Shorts 'Verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gabriel can be a bitch, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-13
Updated: 2012-09-13
Packaged: 2017-11-14 03:13:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamala/pseuds/Iamala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sam gets a present and Gabriel doesn't like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Accidental Resurrection of Jessica Moore

**Author's Note:**

> This is the third in the Sabbatical Shorts 'Verse following on from Inhibitions, What Inhibitions?

“I miss women.” Dean looked across to where Sam was staring gloomily at the neck of his beer bottle.

“Go to a bar, get laid, it’s not rocket science bro.” Sam snorted.

“I said I miss women, not sex. I mean, sex is nice, but women are nicer-er. I mean, you’ve got Cas, why can’t I have someone to sleep with at night and make me coffee and buy me underwear.” Dean narrowed his eyes at Sam.

“Dude, you’re drunk. How many times, Cas is not my freaking gay life partner or whatever.”

Sam smiled drunkenly. “Nah- he’s your wife Deeeean.” He chuckled to himself. Dean threw his beer cap at Sam but missed. “Dude, he totally is. He sleeps in your bed and makes you coffee and knows all your embarrassing secrets. He’s your wiiiife.” He was slurring by this point, but he didn’t really care.

Dean blushed and cursed himself for doing so. Ever since Cas went human his cheeks were permanently stained red. “He does not sleep in my bed.”

Sam snorted.

“Okay, a few times, but that was before he figured out how to sleep on his own.” But Sam wasn’t listening anymore.

“I want a wife.” He grumbled into his beer.

* * *

 

“Dean. Dean!” Dean woke up to Sam shaking him urgently and automatically went for the knife under his pillow. “Dean!”

“What! What? Sammy…?” Sam looked, for want of a better word, frantic. “Sammy what’s wrong?” Dean gripped the knife tighter as Sam’s eyes practically bulged out of his head. He took a deep breath.

“Er, well, you remember Jessica, my dead girlfriend… well she’s-kind’of-stood-in-our-kitchen-tied-in-a-bright-pink-bow-and-I-think-I’m-going-crazy-so-could-you-please-go-and-check-because-I-think-I’ve-finally-snapped.” Dean frowned.

“Huh?”

* * *

 

Jessica Moore was a simple girl, easy childhood, rich family, graduated from Stanford with a degree in psychology, her boyfriend was going to propose to her… then things went a bit fuzzy.

She could remember snap shots, a very bright light, fire, screaming, Sam… and vanilla cream pie for some reason. None of that, though, helped explain why she was suddenly stood in a strange kitchen, naked, and wrapped head to toe in a pale pink ribbon tied up in a bow. She really hoped it was some sort of practical joke.

“Hello?” Her voice was oddly rusty, as if she had been sleeping a long time. “Hello?”

And then she saw him. But it couldn’t be him because he looked older, way older, and his hair was longer, and he had stubble. “Sam?”

The man that looked a lot like Sam stared at her for a full minute before making a very undignified squeaking noise. “I’ll be right back.” And then he ran from the room like he had the hounds of hell at his heals or something.

She was beginning to get cold and really pissed off when not-Sam returned with a person she did recognise, Dean. Now he looked practically the same as when he turned up in their house a few days ago. Maybe a little more lined, filled out a bit.

“Sam… what’s going on?” And now Dean looked like _he_ wanted to run for the hills.

“Dude, she’s naked.” He hissed at his brother. Sam, who seemed to be very aware of that from the way he was eying her all over, just squeaked slightly.

“Yeah.”

In unison they both yelled, “CAS!”.

Five minutes later, a sleepy eyed man with epic bed hair shuffled into the room in an oversized shirt which was falling off one shoulder and what Jess presumed were boxers, but seemed to be oddly shiny. The man looked at her, blinked and turned to Sam and Dean.

“Why is there a reanimated corpse in our kitchen?”

Corpse! “Corpse! Sam Winchester this has gone on long enough, now please, untie me, fetch me some clothes and tell me where the hell I am!” Dean smirked but Sam looked like he was about to faint.

“I always did like her spunk, knew you were punching way out of your league Sammy.” The bed head man turned to Dean and frowned, cocking his head.

“Dean? I believe Sam is about to lose consciousness. Please catch him before he dents the floor.”

* * *

 

It was half an hour later, a funny tasting glass of water and some bad attempts at subtlety when poking her side with a silver knife when they finally gave in and untied her. Jess was about ready to scream but was cut off by the apparition of a really short guy sucking on a lollipop. He frowned at her.

“Sammy, what’s you’re dead girlfriend doing being all resurrected in your kitchen?” If she didn’t think it was so ludicrous she’d have thought he sounded a little hurt. Sam raised his hands and shook his head looking slightly demented.

“I have no idea… I just found her, tied up in a pink bow. In my kitchen. Not dead.” Gabriel sighed and turned to Cas, pointing a finger accusingly.

“This is your fault, being Mr Popular with all the little seraphs trying to suck up to teacher’s pet.” Castiel cocked his head.

“I do not understand.”

“Too right you don’t understand- give me a minute.” Gabriel vanished but returned a few seconds later with a middle aged Frenchman squirming in his grip.

“Was this you? You and your stupid Cassykins fan club huh? Did you resurrect Sam Winchester’s ex-girlfriend?” He sounded furious and the angel in his grip cowered slightly.

“Technically, er, we never broke up so she’s not really my-”

“Shut up Sam.” Gabriel growled.

The frightened angel stuttered slightly when Gabriel shook him to make him speak. Castiel watched curiously from the coffee pot, unpredictable resurrections aside, Cas needed his coffee.

“We…we wanted to make Castiel ‘appy. Winchesters make ‘im ‘appy. We ‘eard ze younger Winchester wishing for a wife, so we brought ‘im one. I am sorry, we were only trying to ‘elp.” Sam stared at the angel. Gabriel glared at the angel.

“You had no right! I should smite you where you stand for defying our Father’s command!” The angel quaked.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I could kill ‘er again, take ‘er back to ‘eaven wiz me?” Gabriel looked like he was about to tell him to do just that when Sam butted in, clinging suddenly to his formerly dead first love.

“No- No! We’re fine. You can just, you know, leave her here with me. Right Gabe?” Gabriel looked at Sam but the anger seemed to drain away as he took in how Jess and Sam were clinging to each other. He sighed moodily.

“Fine. It’s not like I care anyway, go off and get married. I’ll be in Berlin.” And with that he disappeared leaving a very confused, but grateful angel slumped on the kitchen floor.

Castiel, who had now had his obligatory three cups of coffee, cleared his throat drawing everyone’s attention. He looked a lot like a scary school ma’am only man shaped and dishevelled.

“Kariel, this resurrection was not ordered by God or approved by the archangels. You cannot remove a soul from Heaven purely to please me. It is very impolite.” He nodded as if he had just imparted a lecture of great import. Dean frowned at him.

“What, that’s it, no dressing down, no Heavenly time out just, mind your manners?” Castiel blinked at him then turned back to the angel staring balefully up at him.

“Prepare your associates for correction. I shall enforce mandatory re-training tomorrow afternoon at three, anyone one who does not attend shall be subject to my wrath. And Inias shall smite them.” Then he touched the angel on the head and he vanished. Dean licked his lips and looked at his brother who was busily making out with his non-dead girlfriend. Cas went back to the coffee.

“Huh. Where’s the Jack?”

* * *

 

Convincing Jess she had been dead for five years had turned out to be the easy part. Explaining why there were angels suddenly popping in and out of his kitchen and how Sam knew them turned out to be a little more difficult.

“So angels came to save your brother from dying?” She asked tentatively. Sam winced slightly.

“Er, not exactly, more like, saved him after he died. A bit like you really.”

“Oh yeah,” Gabriel butted in, having decided his time was much better spent antagonising Sam than gambling in Berlin. “Cassy saved Dean from hell after he sold his soul to bring Sam back to life. Sammy here wasn’t man enough to step up and rule his demon army and got himself all murdered by a usurper. Don’t you just hate a man who can’t hold onto power, makes you just want to up and leave and find some other, much more manlier man to settle down with huh?” Sam glared at Gabriel, who was sat on the counter, rocking his legs back and forth, sucking his lollipop.

Jess frowned at Sam. “You died?” She looked worried now, as if death might have left some sort of lasting injury hanging around. Gabriel snorted. This child was in no way fit for a hunter’s life. Sammy should leave her now and shack up with someone older and more… Gabriel shaped.

Sam cupped her hands in his, his gaze all soppy again. “Only a couple of times, but I’m alive now. See, when I was a baby this, er, this demon sort of infected me with its blood and-”

“See, demon tainted soul! Who wants to pass that on to their kids?”

“-and I started having visions but I tried to ignore it and then I went to college and I found you-” Gabriel started to make gagging noises. “-and I thought I was out of it you know, free from monsters and demons and then,” and when Sam actually began to tear up Gabriel scoffed and started muttering about how he never cried over Gabriel’s death, and he’d known Sam way longer if you counted all those Tuesdays he made him relive when he kept murdering Dean.

“-the demon, he found out and, he wanted to make me embrace my evil destiny so he… he killed-”

“For Dad’s sake, why on earth would you want such a cry baby for a boyfriend. I’d get out while you can sugar.”

“Don’t you call me sugar!” Jess was on her feet now and pointing a finger directly at Gabriel, oozing rage and indignation. Gabriel wasn’t intimidated. Not one bit. He was an archangel after all. He just dropped the lollipop because he felt like it. Totally.

“I have had enough of you snarking and bitching about Sam. If you hate him so much why don’t you just go back to your cloud and wait for some more deserving person to pick on. I’ve only been alive again for three and a half hours and I have had it up to here with you. Now if you’ve nothing constructive to say, I suggest you leave!” Her tone brokered no argument and both Sam and Gabriel were gaping slightly.

“I don’t hate Sam.” He said quietly, defiantly.

“Well you’d never know it the way you talk about him. I think you should apologise and then leave us alone to talk.” Gabriel pulled a face.

“I’m an archangel of the Lord missy, I don’t need some human’s-”

“Gabe!” Sam looked angry now, really angry. Gabriel’s face fell.

“Fine, I’ll leave you two to talk. S’not like I matter at all.” And if Sam hadn’t known it to be impossible, he’d have thought he detected tears in the archangel’s eyes. But he vanished before he could question it. Jess turned back to him, shoulders straightened and cheeks flushed.

“So, I died. What happened then?”

* * *

 

Dean wasn’t sure why he’d decided to attend Castiel’s re-training seminar or whatever it was, but as he watched seventeen angels of various shapes and sizes, including one who looked like he’d be the perfect type to be cast as ‘crazy homeless dude’ in a movie, he realised this might be the most bizarre thing he’d ever witnessed, and considering he was a Winchester, that was saying something. Castiel had stuck a big blue board covered in fuzzy material up on the wall and stuck a label on with Velcro that said ‘RESSURECTION: WHY THIS IS NOT TO BE DONE UNLESS UNDER ORDERS’. The whole thing reminded Dean freakishly of grade school when the teacher used to stick pictures on the board reminding you why you had to wash your hands after to going to the toilet and why you should never use big people scissors without help.

Castiel seemed to be taking this teacher thing very seriously and had managed to find himself a mortarboard somewhere which he wore with his smartest most fashionable ripped jeans and Cuban heals. He cleared his throat.

“Now, I have called you all here because of a mistake you all made concerning Jessica Moore’s soul. Resurrection is not something to be taken lightly.” He produced a cartoon picture of several dead people and stuck it on the board.

“If you resurrect people without orders from your superior,” another picture, this time seemingly cut out of a comic showing a bunch of mischievous boys with halos drawn on, “then the world will become imbalanced.” A picture of an uneven set of scales.

“If the world become unbalanced, Fate will appear to correct the imbalance.” He stuck on a picture of a sexy librarian that definitely was not found in a children’s comic. Dean could go for this Fate woman, she sounded hot.

“She will do so by violently murdering all unregistered souls until the world is balanced again.” Maybe not so hot then.

“This will make many humans unhappy.” Cas stuck up a frowny face with large bright blue tears pouring out of its eyes. “And you will be smote.” A picture of a pile of ash with wings drawn either side. “Any questions?” One of the angels who seemed to have been taking detailed notes raised a hand.

“Heliel?” She tucked her hair behind her ear.

“What if it is deemed necessary to resurrect a human?” Castiel nodded and reached into a bag, lifting out an alarmingly thick form.

“If it is deemed necessary, this form must be filled out and submitted to a superior to be approved.” The angels began to grumble to one another but Cas spoke over them loudly. “If there are no further questions, I would ask you to leave, Dean and I wish to watch Doctor Sexy.”

As all of the angels began to vanish and Castiel moved to switch the TV on, Dean picked up one of the resurrection forms. It looked like it had been designed by some particularly nasty government official hoping the person trying to fill it out would either give up or die before they ever completed it. Dean raised an eyebrow at Castiel, who had now removed the mortarboard.

“Cas, you know no-one will ever be able to complete this right?” Cas twitched his lips in the hint of a smile and settled down on the couch as the opening credits of Doctor Sexy began.

“I felt it would deter future impulsiveness. Or at least keep them busy for a while.” Dean grinned at Cas’ innocent look. Man, his angel was awesome.

“You sly dog.” Castiel smiled.

“I do my best.”


End file.
